Have You Lost That Loving Feeling?

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable."  ~ Benjamin Franklin

Whenever we hear the word relationship, we immediately think romance - such as boyfriend, girlfriend, partner or spouse.  There are of course many different kinds of relationships, but for many of us, romantic ones are at the top of the list.

However, all relationship change over time, for a number of reasons. How you handle that change can make all the difference between sizzle and fizzle.  

Teamwork

Teamwork may not sound very sexy, but it takes two people to make a relationship. And there are a lot of external factors and people that can damage it if we are not careful. For example, the number one cause of divorce is money problems. If you and your partner have been arguing about money recently, there are a number of positive steps you can take.

You can review your own spending habits by keeping track in a diary. You might be surprised at how much you are frittering away each day on coffee, lunches and so on. Then consider ways to cut back and still get what you need - such as investing in a good coffee maker and travel mug and brown-bagging four days a week, then treating yourself on the fifth.

You can review your budget with your partner. Collect all of the regular bills together and your pay stubs. Add up all your income in one column and all your expenses in another. You might be shocked at what you find.

Together, you can then work out a plan to get yourselves out of debt and stay out of debt. You can even start to save up for your family goals, such as a down payment on a house or a dream vacation.

Partnership

It is tough to be romantic with one another when you are constantly worried about financials. And the word budget is about as sexy as the word diet. However, working together in this way can often lead to a much closer relationship through honesty, forging a real partnership.

The sad fact is that many people mislead or downright lie about themselves. Some partners get the shock of their lives when they apply for a mortgage and discover their partner has a terrible credit score or even a recent bankruptcy.

Why do people lie by commission, or omission? Often it's because they value the relationship and do not wish to lose it. However, this is like trying to build a house on quicksand.

Honesty really is the best policy in any romantic relationship. If you’ve been holding things back from your partner, you are withholding parts of yourself, and withholding is a barrier to true intimacy.

Is Intimacy Important to You Both?

A reality check with regard to your intimacy might be painful, but it can also save a marriage. Once the children come, romance often takes a back seat, causing the sizzle to fizzle. Luckily, there are a number of ways to tend the spark to keep the flames burning regularly.

For example, no matter how tough things might be, try to schedule a regular date night and stick to it. Arrange for child care, even if it is only for a few hours, to reconnect with your spouse.

Avoid emotional infidelity, which can lead to physical infidelity if you are not careful. Treat your spouse like the most important person in your life rather than seek out others you might think you have more in common with.

When a romantic relationship hits the rocks, it can seem as if it is impossible to salvage. But truth, honesty and reminding yourself about all the reasons you fell in love with that person and the best qualities they possess, can improve your relationship and keep it on the right course in future.