Thursday, October 22, 2015

How About Those Mets!

I am a Tampa Bay Rays fan now but this morning I teared up and actually cried some when I heard the Mets had beat the Cubs. Hearing about the Mets brought back so many memories - great memories of being with my dad and brother at the Mets games in Shea Stadium. It seemed like during 1969 we were at every home game and watched every away game on TV. My brother and I knew the players. We knew Tom Seaver, Nolan Ryan and Jerry Koosman - you see my dad made sure we were introduced to all of them. I remember the night we got off the elevator and Tom Seaver shook my dad's hand and said to me "How you doing kid." My dad, my brother and I were there that game in 1969 when the Mets beat the Cubs and became the amazing Mets. So I say to all of you, "How About Those Mets!" Not because they beat the Cubs last night but because the memories they helped make for two brothers of a great dad. It's a memory I will never forget. How about you Chris Heiser?

When You Know Yourself You Make Better Choices

When you know yourself you make better choices
"When you know better you do better." ~ Maya Angelou

You’ve probably heard it before: follow your passions and let your passions help you make good decisions. But what if you don’t know who you are or what your passions are? How do you get to know yourself so you can make better choices?

After all, don’t you want to be happy and know you are following your life’s purpose with the decisions you make? To experience peace you need to live in harmony with your true self. When you know who you are and what you want out of life, you are prepared to make better choices.

So, how do you get to know yourself?

Begin by understanding what makes you different. Explore what you heart desires by tuning out what the rest of the world thinks you should be. You’re not in school, so you don’t have to act like everyone else to fit in.

Your favorite school subject or color isn’t what knowing who you are is about. Knowing yourself is about understanding you on the deepest levels. It means knowing your purpose in life, at least as close as you can get to knowing.

Know that you aren’t born knowing yourself. Knowing yourself takes conscious effort with intention and purpose. If you don’t know who you are, it becomes obvious to you and others sooner or later. It’s like living a lie - a fake life. When you don’t know who you are, you don’t know what you want either. This means you can make decisions based on the wrong things and end up in places, jobs, or situations you aren’t happy with.

There are several ways you can learn who you are.

Understand your own personality. 

Ask friends what they think your personality is. Dig into your own feelings and knowledge about your personality. Your private personality might be different from your public one. Get to know what you are and who you aren’t. When faced with a situation, ask yourself why you did something a certain way. 

Dig into your core values. 

These are the moral codes and the principles you live by. List out your top 7 to 10 core values. These are the ones that will play the biggest roles in making decisions, how you communicate and your day-to-day activities.

Which values will you never compromise on? Is it honesty, integrity, or security? Or do you value financial comfort, wisdom, responsibility or loyalty?

Know your body’s limits, flexibility, balance and abilities. 

Knowing your body’s abilities helps you decide on the types of challenges you can take on.

Explore your dreams and hopes of your future. 

Knowing your dreams helps you make the right choices for the type of life you want to live. For example if you want to become a writer, ask yourself what type of writing you want to do. How proficient are you at writing and can you improve? Are you willing to make it a huge part of your life? Your dreams should be a part of every decision you make, especially big decisions.

Get to know your strengths and weaknesses, your likes and dislikes and your quirks and perks.

Knowing what you like and dislike and your strengths and weaknesses gives you the confidence to make good decisions on everything. What brings you joy, gives you a sense of satisfaction or makes you crazy? Your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses are what make you unique.

Get to know yourself. Knowing who you are and what you want to do with your life helps you make better choices in the end.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Have You Ever Wished You Could Change A Past Decision?

Have you ever wished you could change a past decision?
“Stay away from what might have been and look at what can be.” ~ Marsha Petrie Sue
There is no such thing as not ever having any regrets. Regrets over past choices can dwell in the subconscious for years. It’s a feeling or thoughts that replay over and over again. More than likely you can’t change your past choice. That doesn’t mean you have to constantly worry about what-ifs and should-haves, though. Regrets are the perfect opportunity to learn from your mistakes.

You are only human - Keep in mind everyone makes mistakes. Forgive yourself - and then move on. Know that you made the choice you thought was right for you at the time. In the future you will be better prepared for making decisions.

Learn from your mistake - Identify what the mistake was and what caused you to make that decision. Did you make a quick choice without weighing your options? Were you trying to please someone else? Once you know why you made that choice, you can focus on doing it differently from now on.

Focus on what you can control - Cheating on your boyfriend wasn’t a good choice. Unfortunately you can’t change that. What you can do is move forward from where you are.

Accept the blame for your choice - This is especially healing if your choice hurt others as well.

Challenge the way you think - Realize that the choice you regret making is a step towards going in the right direction in the future. Mistakes can often present challenges we don’t think we’re prepared to deal with. But in reality those challenges are moving you into new opportunities.

Employ the use of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) - CBT is a type of exercise therapy that teaches you to change your habits and patterns of thinking. It can help you change your feelings of regret or shame, and instead focus on emotionally healing the harmful thoughts.

Write down your regrets - Ask yourself why you chose that option. List the questions you keep asking yourself. This helps you overcome those feelings that are keeping you stuck or revisiting your choice.

Use regret as a way to make changes - Recognize when your regrets can be used to change or improve yourself. When you are faced with new choices, you can use the regrets as a way to help you make better choices.

Start fresh - It’s never too late to start again. You can’t change the decisions you’ve already made but you can learn to make better choices in the future.

Constantly revisiting and regretting choices you’ve made in the past can cause you to be stressed and feel anxious. It can lead to depression and worrying about any decisions you make in the future. Let go of the regrets. Learn how to leave them in the past and to make better decisions that won’t lead to regrets in the future.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Are You Passive Aggressive?

Are you passive aggressive
"I am not passive aggressive.  Unlike some people I know."

What Is Passive Aggressive?

Passive aggressive is a behavior that strives to resist the demands of others and direct confrontation. For example, if a passive aggressive person doesn’t want to participate in a meeting, they might pretend they didn’t get the memo about the meeting or intentionally misplace the meeting notes so the meeting needs to be rescheduled. They can’t say “I don’t want to go to the meeting,” and they’re not willing to just go and keep their opinion to themselves, so they sabotage the meeting so it doesn’t happen.

This happens in communications as well. Here are some examples of passive aggressive behaviors and statements. If you recognize yourself in more than a few of these, you’re probably passive aggressive.

Putting Someone on the Defensive – If you say, “Why on earth would you wear that?” that’s a passive aggressive statement. You’re putting the other person on the defensive. Your other choices are to stay quiet or to let the person know that you don’t like what they’re wearing. Instead, a passive aggressive person subtly attacks.

Insinuating Yourself into Situations – Do you ever find yourself saying “I wish I had…” or “I wish I was invited to…” when you know that the person you’re talking to is in a position to grant your wish? This is passive aggressive behavior. A more straightforward approach might be to say, “Hey, do you think you could get me invited to…”

Insincere compliments - Classic passive aggressive behavior includes compliments that aren’t really compliments. For example, if your best friend buys a home and invites you over for a housewarming party and you say, “what a great little starter house,” that’s a compliment that actually belittles their new home. It’d be better to find something that you really like about the home or to simply congratulate your friend on their new home.

Sabotage, keeping score, and other indirect behaviors are also signs of a passive aggressive personality. Everyone has moments. Strive to be more sincere about what you say and be aware of the reasons why you may be passive aggressive. Are you afraid of confrontation? Do you want to express your needs or your opinion but you’re not comfortable? Start small and begin saying what you mean.