CONFIDENCE: The Second Trait of Mental Toughness

"Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation."

On a scale of 1 to 10 where do you score your confidence? The hardest thing for many is understanding what confidence is and how it plays a vital role in developing mental toughness. Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines confidence as:

1.  “A feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances,


2.  “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way,” and…


3.  “the quality or state of being certain.”

I define confidence as my personal belief that I have what it takes to overcome any obstacles that get in my way as I go after my goals. I may win and I may lose but the important thing to remember is that I have the confidence to at least try.

What I have learned about confidence is that when you have a high level of confidence you are able to bounce back from setbacks, mistakes, and poor performance much quicker than those with low confidence levels.

Highly successful people normally have a high level of confidence in their ability to win but, aren’t born this way. I like to say they’ve earned it and others say they've learned it. They gain their confidence through repeatedly putting themselves in the game, taking the risks and learning from their failures. Overtime, knowing that you have been down a similar road before, studying and learning from those past experiences can be a great confidence builder in whatever you do – business deals, sports, relationships, education and in just about any endeavor you can think of.

The thing about confidence is that it is an essential quality if you want to succeed in building mental toughness. I believe it is one of the most critical traits, not only in developing mental toughness but is essential when setting high goals and persevering to achieve them.

Another thing I have learned about confidence is that the saying “birds of a feather flock together” is true.  Whether it was in business, coaching sports or during my time in the military, confident people tended to associate both personally and professionally with others that have the same high levels of confidence. I have also learned that, “you become who you associate with.” I have observed individuals with low levels of confidence assigned to teams having highly confident team members transformed into confident individuals.

Your confidence shines through in the way you carry yourself which most times is the determining factor in whether you win or lose. When you confidently demonstrate self-control over your emotions, your actions and the situation, others take notice. They recognize you as a leader that they are willing to trust and follow.

Individuals with low confidence complain about everything. They will typically show off to get attention and recognition. Many times, they will turn to destructive habits such as drug or alcohol abuse. They constantly seek praise or approval. The biggest and most damaging trait of those with low confidence is self-pity which guarantees defeat in whatever the situation. Once you let thoughts of quitting into your mind, you are halfway to failing. When you feel sorry for yourself, you begin the process of destroying your confidence and guaranteeing your own downfall.

Your confidence is the result of your life experiences and actions. Your confidence can be increased but, it takes work. The good thing is it can be changed in months, even weeks. There is no guarantee you will be able to improve your confidence, everyone is different. There is no set formula but, if you work hard at the following three things you might be surprised:

1. Set personal and professional goals. Everyone needs a starting point and a target. Most importantly you simply need to decide it’s time to get started on whatever it is.


2. Prepare yourself. Once you know what your starting point and target are you need to chart your course. What’s it going to take? I have found that finding out what it takes to achieve the goal is a confidence builder in itself.


3. Visualize your success. Your success depends on your ability to visualize yourself succeeding. If you can’t you fail but, if you can then anything is possible.

You can directly change your level of confidence, all you need to do is believe it.


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MOTIVATION: The First Trait of Mental Toughness

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."
Carol Burnett

Over the years, I have heard so many say, “Well what’s your motivation?” “What motivates you to do what you do?” “Aren't you motivated?” “Where’s your motivation?” “You lack motivation.” We have all heard it time and again. Many of us have asked those questions of someone and I am quite sure a great many of you have been asked about your own motivations.

Recently, I saw a young lady on a talk show saying motivation doesn't exist. That it is something just made up. That no one can motivate you to do anything, not even yourself. Well obviously, this young lady has never been challenged in a way that she was faced with a life or death situation. Believe me, when you are placed in a dangerous situation you are motivated to survive. I believe you can look at it in two ways – you motivate yourself to get yourself out of whatever the situation is or the situation itself that presents the threat can be seen as the motivation you need to either stay to fight or run to safety.

For many people that I have spoken with, their motivation has been the idea of a successful outcome, a win. I like to say, “WINNING”! Motivation is what keeps you moving towards the prize, the achievement, the success you seek. Something I have used as far back as I can remember is visualizing myself reaching that prize, that goal, that success I wanted so badly. That visualized desire will keep you focused on what it takes to get you there.

Another thing I have used is the following saying, “You can’t beat me or this can’t beat me.” When my children played youth sports, high school varsity sports, and college sports they would say things like “I don't know pops this is hard.” I would always tell them “yep, it is but you can't be beat.” When my youngest played college football his saying was “You can't beat me.” On the field, he would say that to opposing players. It was his motivation to win. You cannot beat me. I will out work you. I will out play you. I will out study you. But, what this short saying did was to focus each one of them on what mattered most, staying focused or motivated on the prize.

Ask yourself, “Why do I want this so badly?” “Why is it important to achieve this goal?” When thinking of these two questions and the saying “you can’t beat me”, it becomes rather easy to see how this all works together. Why do I want to so badly? I don't like to be beat. Why is it important to achieve this goal? I don't like to be beat. When you can figure out the answers to these questions you will understand your motivation and desires. When you understand your motivations and desires it becomes much easier to clearly define your objectives, what it is you want and why.

Recently, I read the most recent blog post on the Mile12Concept.com blog site titled, What Is Mile 12 Concept. I suggest you take a few minutes to read it yourself. The writer, who is also my youngest son, explains how in many ways motivation is really nothing more than an idea or vision. He talks about how in the middle of the night soaking wet, cold to the bone, halfway through a 24-hour race he questions his reasons for being there. What his why is. Why it was important to do what he was doing at that moment in time on the race course climbing a mountain in the pitch-black dead of night, soaking wet, and cold to the very core of his being. It was at that point, he realized what his true motivation was but you will have to read it to find out.

I see motivation as one of the top traits needed for mental toughness. In my next blog, I will talk about confidence and why it is another important trait in developing mental toughness.

 You can listen to the Podcast at  Jeff Heiser Radio Podcast 95.

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